


The one with the waggley tail.

by Pennyplainknits



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennyplainknits/pseuds/Pennyplainknits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the bandom pretend dating fest, for the prompt "Ian and Spencer pretend to be boyfriends so they can adopt a puppy". Unbeta'd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one with the waggley tail.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [melusina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melusina/gifts).



It all started when Ian's room mate moved out, taking Skywalker with him. 

“I thought he was your dog?” Spencer asked, having finally given up on getting Ian on the phone, and just driven over there. 

Ian was still in his pyjama pants and an ancient Cab t shirt, hair a messy tangle like he'd just gotton up. It was 4pm. Spencer thought he could at least have put on proper pants.

“We got him when Al moved in, but it was Al's name on all the paperwork. His girlfriend loves the dog so when he moved out he took him with him.” Ian shrugged and pushed his glasses back up his nose.

That was the other thing, of course. Ellie had called it quits with Ian the week before Al (and the dog) moved out. Spencer didn't know which had hit Ian the hardest. 

“Hey,” he said, and sat on the couch and held out his arm. Ian shuffled across the cushions to let Spencer hug him.

“I think I miss the dog more than Ellie,” Ian said after a while.

Spencer hmmmed non-committally. It wasn't like Ian to be so cut up- as far as Spencer could work out Ian and his various hookups were the definition of friends with benefits. He'd never seen someone so easily stay friends with all his exes. 

“Well,” Spencer said, after a long minute where all Ian did was rub his cheek against Spencer's shirt as he took deep breaths that seemed like he was trying not to sniffle. “I thought you guys weren't serious? 

“No,” Ian said “we weren't really. I just. I really miss my dog. He was gonna come on tour with me.”

“You have a tour booked?” Spencer asked. What with working with Brendon on the new album he was kind of out of the loop.

Ian shook his head, hair swooshing across Spencer's chest.

“No, I mean. Once I had it all worked out, I was going to take Skywalker with me for company.”

Spencer nodded, remembering Pete and Hemmy

“It's kind of lonely here,” Ian said softly. “Without anyone.”

“Dude,” Spencer said, feeling worried. “You could get a new room mate. Or a new dog. Or hell, a new girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever.”

Ian didn't say anything.

“Just how long have you been here alone feeling sorry for yourself?” Spencer asked. He'd never seen Ian in such a low mood.

“Um” Ian bit his lip. “I think Singer came round on Monday?”

“It's Thursday,” Spencer said, “That's it. Come on, put some proper fucking clothes on.” He sat up, dislodging Ian.

“Why?” Ian frowned. 

“I'm getting you out of the house. We're going to the rescue centre,” Spencer decided.

“Rescue centre?” Ian asked. 

“You can look at the puppies.” Spencer said, feeling slightly ridiculous. “It will cheer you up, and maybe you'll even see one you want to take home.” 

Ian looked sceptical but hauled himself off the couch and ambled off in the direction of his bedroom.

Spencer pulled up the rescue centre details on his phone to check the opening times, and fought the urge to tidy up. The space around the sofa was piled with opened DVD boxes, dogeared comics, and paperbacks with cracked spines. He was carefully closing a biography of Muddy Waters when his phone buzzed with a text from Brendon.

_going to the beach with S. You in?”_

Spencer fired back a reply: 

_Taking Ian to look at puppies. Might catch you later.”_

He braced himself for ridicule as soon as he hit send, and sure enough, Brendon's response was instant.

 _kind of a strange date but good luck :P_.

Spencer sighed. Brendon had not shut up about it since Ian's facebook status had gone back to single.

The thing was, there was nothing Spencer found more attractive than people being GOOD at things. His first crush, Tia, could solve all their 5th grade math problems in her head. It explained the really inconvenient boner the first time Pete introduced him to Andy after a Fall Out Boy show and the three really awkward weeks he and Brendon dated before they figured out that in their case, 'better off as friends' wasn't a brush off, but a necessity.

And Ian was really _really_ fucking good at playing guitar. And tiny, and cute, and compact. And maybe Spencer had spent quite a lot of time behind the kit enjoying Ian getting all hot and sweaty as he played. It had never really been a problem before because after the whole Brendon débâcle Spencer had made a firm rule about never sleeping with bandmates.

Ian had done the whole “Trying new things” speech three months ago, and Brendon hadn't stopped bugging Spencer about it since.

 _shut up_ he texted back which was not, he had to admit, a particularly clever response. 

 

Ian gave the receptionist a sweet smile as he asked what animals they were there to see.

!I'm not sure” Ian said “I might not make a decision today, I need to be sure that we click.”

Only Ian, Spencer thought, could make adopting a dog sound like a come-on. 

“Oh course,” the receptionist nodded “take as much time as you need.” He all but fluttered his eyelashes. Spencer suppressed a cough.

Ian hurried off in search of dogs, but Spencer followed along at a slower pace. He peeked in at cages of rabbits, noses twitching as they sniffed the air. A white rabbit, really just a ball of fluff, with black markings round its eyes like eyeliner, hopped forward. Spencer stretched out his hand, wanting to pet it, but a family with twin girls was already talking to one of the handlers, who scooped the rabbit up, cradling it gently, so the girls could stroke it between its little ears.

After the rabbits were cats, and Spencer stopped to look at a calico cat, a bruiser with one eye and half an ear missing, until a yowl from the next pen caught his attention. The nameplate said that 'Mai' was a half-grown Siamese. She ran to the front of the pen and poked her head out, yowling, so Spencer put out a hand and scratched between her ears. She leaned into him, cream-coloured fur soft against his hand, and closed her eyes. Spencer moved his hand away and she yowled loudly again.

“Oh, it's like that, is it?” he said, and petted her some more. She put out her pink tongue and licked his hand.

“I thought I was supposed to be finding a pet,” Ian said, appearing at his elbow.

“I was going to come find you,” Spencer said “but this cat won't let me move.” He lifted his hand away to demonstrate and Mai yowled again. Ian laughed and stroked down her back with one finger.

“She's like you,” he said.

“What?” Spencer asked, confused.

“Blue eyes, long legs, knows what she wants,” Ian looked up at Spencer, eyes glittering behind his glasses, and before Spencer could process what looked a hell of a lot like flirting, a girl in a green rescue centre apron came up to them.

“Are you interested in adopting Mai?” She asked brightly.

Spencer shook his head

“I was just saying hello but every rime I tired to move she meowed,” he said, feeling kind of stupid.

The girl laughed.

“They're a talkative breed,” she said “more like dogs than cats in a lot of ways.”

“Speaking of dogs,” Ian said, “come look at them with me, I'm sure the cat will forgive you.”

Spencer gave Mai one last scratch between the ears (she was really cute for a cat) and followed Ian outside, across a patch of grass covered with chewed toys and deflated balls, and into the section housing the dogs. 

The dog inside the third pen (after the lazy greyhound, and a labradoodle with two different-coloured eyes) _bounced_ up to the kennel door and put its front paws on the ledge, barking happily.

“Hey hey” Ian said, and stuck his hand through the bars to pet her.

Spencer couldn't tell the breed, she was half-grown, not quite an adult, with a puppy's huge paws and gangly legs. Her long, thick coat was mostly black with patches of fawn round her ears and on her belly. Ian pressed up closer, scratching between her ears.

“She's huge,” Ian said, “Look at her Spence, she's a giant.”

“She's going to get bigger too,” the kennel helper said “We think she's a German Shepherd-Collie cross. She came in as a stray so we don't know her exact age, but she's still got some growing to do.” 

The dog closed her eyes as Ian continued to pet her.

“A stray?” Ian asked.

“Wondering the streets,” the girl replied. “Her fur was half-fallen out, not that you'd know now to look at her.” The dog wagged her plumed tail as Spencer reached through the bars to pet her muzzle, carefully keeping his hand away from Ian's.

"You want me to put her outside so you can get better acquainted?" the girl asked. Spencer expected Ian to say no, but then he caught the look on Ian's face.

"Yes, please?" Ian said, stepping aside so the girl could open the door. She clipped a leash to the dog's collar and led her out into the fenced-off patched of grass, with water bowls and chewed up toys in the corner. Ian and Spencer followed along behind.

As soon as the handler unclipped the leash the dog bounded up to Ian, tail wagging furiously, and sniffed the hand Ian held out to her. Her paws were huge, oversized for her body, and her legs were long and gangly in the way half grown puppies were. 

Spencer watched as Ian threw one of the soggy tennis balls for her to chase over and over. He looked happier than Spencer had seen him in weeks.

"What's her name?" Ian asked the handler eventually.

"Cinnamon," she said. "You can probably train her to respond to something else."

"No, I like it," Ian squatted down on his heels so he could look the dog in the face. "Hey, Cinnamon-girl." He rubbed his cheek on the top of Cinnamon's head as she sat, tail thumping on the grass.

Ian looked up at the handler.

"How do I go about taking her home?"

The woman nodded, "We'll schedule a house visit first - we need to see if you have the space if it will be safe for the animal. I'll give you a questionnaire to fill out today, if you're sure."

"I am," Ian nodded. He got to his feet, one hand on Cinnamon's collar.

"There's just one thing," the handler added. "We insist that the bigger breeds, ones that need a lot of exercise, go to two-person households. In our experience we've found that a single person can't give them the exercise or stimulation they need."

Ian looked at Spencer, all the joy draining from his face. The dog licked his hand. Spencer thought about her wondering the streets, lost, and of Ian, quiet and subdued and sad, and decided he was allowed to be foolish.

"Not a problem," he said, stepping forward "We live together." He took Ian's hand, trying not to wince at the dog drool. "We're partners, I mean. I can do my share of the dog walking." He squeezed Ian's hand, a warning not to say anything. Ian squeezed back, a strong guitarist's grip.

"Well in that case if you'd like to come along to the office I can get Kelly to book you a house visit and leave you to complete the form." She smiled at them as she clipped the leash back onto Cinnamon's collar. Ian held Spencer's hand all the way to the office. 

Back in the car, visit booked for the next day and questionnaire completed (yes, they had a fenced yard, no, they didn't have other pets) Ian turned to Spencer

"What was that, Spence?" 

Spencer suddenly felt incredibly awkward, and concentrated hard on the road.

"You were smitten with that dog," he said eventually. "And I've seen you with Skywalker. You're great with dogs and it's a stupid rule. If you're home all day like you are now what does it matter if there's just you to look after her? And like you said, you can take her on tour when you do go, or get a dogsitter like Brendon does."

Ian made a doubtful 'hmmm' and Spencer carried on before he could chicken out.

"And you looked so happy," he said. "We were worried about you dude. She needed a home and you needed a dog."

"So what you're saying is.." Ian said slowly "is that basically you love me and want me to be happy."

Spencer bit the inside of his lip until he could make the light, flippant response he knew Ian expected.

"Of course," he said evenly.

"You know what would make me really happy?" Ian said. "If you helped me get my place tidy for the visit tomorrow."

"I walked right into that one," Spencer said.

 

Spencer got to Ian's place the next morning to see him struggling with three huge bags of trash, trying to balance them and open the trashcan at the same time. 

“Here,” he said as Ian nearly overbalanced “let me help.” He leaned past him and hauled the lid open so Ian could stuff the bags inside. 

“Did you just toss _everything_?” Spencer asked as Ian heaved the last bag in.

“Pretty much,” Ian said. “I was tidying the yard and me 'n Singer built a pyramid of beer cans out there but-”

“Doesn't exactly say responsible dog owner,” Spencer agreed.

“It took us weeks to build it,” Ian sounded a little bit mournful so Spencer hugged him round the shoulders. “I'm sure you can build it again,” he said.

“Nah, I'll be too busy having fun with my new dog,” Ian smiled up at him happily and Spencer bit the inside of his cheek so he didn't laugh at the tickle of Ian's hair against his cheek.

“So I was thinking, what should we say when she asks us how we got together?” Ian said, pulling away.

“I don't think they'll _care_ ,” Spencer followed Ian back into the house and took the broom he held out, seemingly at random. “They're checking to make sure that the dog isn't going to get into the street, or fight with other pets or whatever. They're not checking up on _us_.”

“Can you sweep the floor?” Ian said, ignoring him. “I think we should go with, you know, we work together, and I fell for you crazy-awesome drumming and how hot you look in blue. Stick with the truth, right?”

Spencer looked up sharply to see if Ian realised what he'd _said_ , but he was sitting on the floor slotting DVDs and CDs back onto the shelves and didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary with his comment.

“Sure,” Spencer said, swallowing a few times to get past to urge to ask if Ian _meant it_.

“What did you fall for about me?” Ian prompted, jewel case in hand.

“Ian-” Spencer said “I don't think-”

“Just in case,” Ian insisted. “You never know. If they don't believe us Cinnamon will be stuck in that shelter. No one want huge dogs, she'll be there forever, and what if they're lying about being no kill? Spence-”

He looked so desperate that Spencer went against every part of him that said this was going too far, and said “People being good at stuff is really hot. The first time I saw you shred, that was it. And then you turned out to be really funny, and cute, and have great taste in movies. I couldn't resist.”

Ian grinned at him and Spencer couldn't look away.

 _Ding Dong_ The doorbell broke the tension.

“Shit, she's early,” Ian scrambled to his feet, jewel case dropping to the floor and ran his hands though his curls, tugging in the way Spencer knew meant he was nervous.

“Hey,” Spencer grabbed his hand and Ian held on tight “hey it will be fine. They're just checking it out.”

Ian didn't let go all the way through opening the door to Kelly and showing her round. He didn't let go in the yard, when she made approving sounds at the tall fences and sturdy gate. He squeezed tighter when she asked about their routine, and Spencer found himself promising to take the early walk “because Ian needs his beauty sleep” only to be rewarded with Ian's splutter of pretend outrage. He dug his nails in so hard Spencer knew there would be marks when Kelly looked down her checklist and said 

“I've seen enough, I'm happy to let you two have Cinnamon. This is a good place for her, I can tell.”

“That's great!” Ian looked like he was about to break his face with smiling “We'll take really good care of her, promise.”

“I'm sure you will,” she said, “I'll make a note that you guys can come by and pick her up any time after today. I hope you'll be happy together.”

Spencer looked down at their joined hands as the car drove away.

“You can let go now,” he said.

Ian looked up at him “What if I don't want to?”

“What if-”Spencer asked but Ian's mouth cut off the rest of the question. He was all barely-held energy, sly and teasing, almost vibrating under Spencer's hands.

“I meant it all,” Ian said, curving his hand round Spencer's jaw, fingertips stroking his cheekbones. “I don't want this to just be pretend.”

Spencer turned his head to kiss at Ian's palm. “Are you sure?” he asked because he wanted it, god he wanted it, but he wouldn't be _him_ if he didn't check.

Ian stretched up to kiss him again “You've already promised to do the early walk. Don't duck out on me Smith.”

Spencer slid his lips over Ian's jaw, kissed behind his ear. “You better make it worth my while then” he said, feeling daring and light and happy. 

Ian have him a shove so he fell backward on the sofa, and crawled into his lap. “I can do that,” he said, and bent his head to kiss Spencer again.


End file.
